Harry Potter and the Evil AOL
by Penny Clearwater
Summary: Chapter four up, finally. At AOL and Co. Harry, Ron, and Cho meet a new 'friend'. Where is he taking them to? Read and find out!
1. Love 'Square'

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Ok dis is on a MAJOR rush at 4 in da morning if its not understandable call my lawyer he's trained 2 handle my shit.  
  
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Harry is sitting at his computer (which he smuggled in) in his dorm chatting along happily to some muggle children when it boots him off. "Crap. Now I see why 'AOL is #1.'" sarcasm is majorly present in his voice. When he finally gets logged back on and has just got in an in-depth conversation on the stock market with a highly intelligent 14 year old girl named Rachel (if you know who I'm taking about, I know that's so not true but work with me here), when his wonderful oh so intelligent, and loving computer freezes. As Harry sits at computer desk trying every spell he knows to get his computer working again cussing like a sailor, Ron and his new GIRLFRIEND Cho Chang walk into the room. Cho jumps startled at Harry's rough appearance as he franticly try's to fix his computer and the cruel language he is using in her presents. But after the initial shock wears off she goes on with making out with Ron in Neville's bed. When Harry finally gets his computer up and running again he decides to write a little "friendly" letter to AOL. "Damn mutter fuckers think they gonna get away with that eh? Well they just don't know who they are messing with." At this time Ron and Cho decide to take a breath of air. (FINALLY) "Oh hello you guys didn't realize you were there. Hey how long HAVE you been there?" Cho looks to Harry realizing now that what she felt before wasn't a discussed shock, it was a deeply in love passionate shock. Ron turns his attention to the computer now realizing what he felt when they had first returned to school from vacation wasn't gladness from missing Harry but great joy that he had brought a computer and now he realized that he had fallen in love, with the MONITOR. Harry though hadn't realized the looks of lust on either of their faces or heard the simple answer from Ron, "Long enough," because he was in his own love triangle (ok not HIS LOVE triangle more like the AOL TRIANGLE but hey technicalities can be worked out latter). He was torn between his love, no his PASSION for this letter to AOL and his secret affection for his best friend, Ron, and of course the ever so long loved Cho. After he had finished his letter he printed it off and then e-mail it to AOL. He turned to face his friends, his green eyes glowing with delight. "Here listen to this letter I think it'll get there attention, 'Hello friends! I have written to inform you of some difficulties with your program and hope that you can have these fixed. You see I'm a VERY IMPORTANT customer and if my demands aren't meet then I will be forced to take matters into my own hands. My computer if often fucked with by your services and if it doesn't stop IMMEDIATELY I shall have to send Peeves to visit you. No worry he's just the school poltergeist he can't do MUCH to you. I must inform you though he often likes to block your passage, drop things on you, and I mean LARGE things, miss place you belongings, get you in trouble and all out annoy you. If it isn't fixed after I send Peeves I refuse to send the Bloody Baron to take control of him. But I will send you Flitch and Mrs. Norris. He's a caretaker and a VERY good one at that. Peeves and Mrs. Norris will work together to get you in trouble and possibly fired. Flitch will have you in detention washing the hallways if there is any extra dirt or if you are in a restricted area. I suggest you meet my demands and don't make me have to go as far as I have stated that I WILL go. Thank you. Harry Potter.' Well what do you think?" After Ron catches his breath and stops laughing enough to answer he replies, "Harry your joking me right? You didn't just send that RIGHT?" "Of course I sent it Ron why not?" This time it was Cho that spoke up. "Harry, have you forget that your muggle life and your wizard life can't mix? You just threatened them with things that aren't common, as you should know, in the muggle world." About this time Harry's computer chimes out "You have mail!" "Well, well, well. Lets just see what they had to say to my letter eh?" Harry turns back around to face his computer and opens the letter. He reads it silently and turns back around jaw-dropped, pupils dilated, face twisted into a horrified look so, so, soooo classic. "They, they, they have a wizard working there and he wrote back to me informing me that he was going to chat with Dumbledore and fill him in on what his little hero had been up to.." Harry's voice faded off right there.  
  
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Hey that's all maybe I'll write another chapter and inform you on what punishment Harry received and what happened to everyone and their secret love. Ok r/r and if you don't like it please by all means tell me so! Ok so I'm shutting up now and letting u r/r and go on to the next damn story.  
  
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Oh yeah. The AOL slogan, triangle, and company name are not mine, neither are the characters except Rachel because she is my own dumb ass friend so I can say whatever shit bout her I want. So peace people!  
  
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	2. Cruel Punishment

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OK Chapter two up! Again I don't own the characters; they are J.K. Rowling's.  
  
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As Harry gets these words out of his mouth Ron falls from the bed into the floor in shock and Cho shakes her head. "I TOLD you Harry..." There is a long silence following that is broken by Ron, "Sounds like Snape.you don't think?" By now Harry is twitching as he hears someone walking into the Gyffindor common room. "Oh shit, oh shit." Harry quickly hides the computer and sits on his bed grabbing a book and sticking his nose into it as Ron hides Cho under his bed as he lays it in and feigns to be falling asleep. Just as he gets laid down a flustered Professor McGonagal and a satisfied Snape. "Headmaster Dumbledore wishes to speak with you Mr. Potter," Minerva says in as stern as a voice as she can muster. Snape smiles wickedly, "Yes and, why don't you come too Weasley, you might be of some good." Slowly, biting their lips, the two boys stand and follow the professors to Dumbledore's office.  
  
Upon entering they realized no one was occupying the room. Next they realized they had been locked in, alone. "What is this some new kind of detention?" "Don't be ignorant Ron it's just probably a new torture technique to get us to admit whatever sooner." As they stood and argued over the reason they were there alone the door opened and Cho came falling in her arms flailing. The door slammed shut behind her and the boys stopped fighting and looked to her. She stood and brushed herself off, "They found me under the bed." Harry and Ron both nodded, they needed no more explanation. "So, did anyone tell you why we are here?" "Yeah, other than "Dumbledore wishes to speak with you?" "No that horrid Snape didn't even tell me THAT much he just drug me here and threw me into the room."  
  
Hours seemed to pass as they sat, laid, stood, put their bodies in any position they could to stay awake and alive. In fact it had been hours, 4 to be precise, and they were slowly losing their grip on reality. Harry had took to beating his head against the wall while Cho had talked the past headmasters and mistresses out of their frames, in fact, even out of the hallway in fear she would escape so now she was attempting to get Fawkes to communicate with her but was getting snubbed, and Ron was goofing off and teaching the Sorting Hat new words and songs. He had it singing "Bad to the Bone" when Harry stopped beating his head on the wall and grabbed a book throwing it at it knocking the Sorting Hat off a stool and Ron flat on his back. Cho looks up and Harry holds a finger to his mouth to keep her and Ron quiet. He whispers, "Did you hear that? It sounds as if we are going to be rescued!"  
  
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So, who is coming for our dear friends? Give enough reviews asking for more and find out!  
  
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	3. Rescued?

**Sorry long time no write. Chapter 3 is up!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own AOL, Harry Potter and Co., Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail, or "Dances with Wolves"  
  
Claimer: Anyone I bring in that isn't Harry Potter and Co.  
  
**  
  
"A rescuer," Ron mouthed dragging Cho to Harry and placing his ear to the wall. "Footsteps! I hear footsteps," she whispered loudly. But this was missed by the other two who had there fingers crossed pray, "Please let it Hermione, please let it be Hermione, please let it be Hermione, ect." They bunched together as Cho joined their chanting and crossed her fingers.  
  
Suddenly the door swung open and shut. Someone had walked into the room. The three students groaned in unison, Snape. "Don't hurt me," Ron whimpered as the Sorting Hat was placed back on the shelf. "Me neither," Cho begged as the people were called back into their paintings rather reluctantly. "Relax you invertebrates, I'm not here to hurt you, Dumbledore won't let me." None seemed to 'relieved' at this.  
  
After a moment of silence as Snape paced watching the three of then huddling together Harry proved banging his head on the wall wasn't the best idea, "You know what professor? Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberry! Now go away before I taunt you a second time!" A quite taken back Snape could find no words. No one had ever said such a thing to him. "And you know what ELSE? You are as oblong as a blue banana!" This woke Snape up. He charged at Harry but totally missed his target. He ran straight into a coat rack and began to 'dance' with it. "Dances with coat racks?" Cho asked unaware of the closeness to the title "Dances with Wolves. "Uh, yeah." Ron replied still not sure of what was happening. "Oh you evil little children! Well I guess I'm going to have to reveal my surprise early won't I!" They could have sworn Snape just flicked his wrist, no way; he couldn't be gay down deep, could he? But that wasn't the important thing right now as he walked over and blew some floo powder into the fire. Grabbing the 'children' quickly to him he shouted, "AOL Co.!" And they disappeared, each with a more desperate, less longing look than the previous.  
  
**Short I know. What is to happen to our poor unfortunate children? It has to go up to 30 reviews before I'll consider, but so you know, I done know what is going to happen, hehe.  
  
** 


	4. Cruel Punishment Two and...Oh God!

**Lord, could I have taken any longer to write more? I'm so sorry to have kept everyone waiting, my apologies to everyone.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and Co. or AOL and Co or Time Warner.  
  
Claimer: Anyone else in the story that isn't a Harry Potter character  
  
** With a frightened step Harry, Ron, and Cho follow Snape from the fireplace located in an office in a far corner of AOL Time Warner. As a man approaches them they huddle together pouting and whimpering like puppies.  
  
"Snape dear brother, so good to see you. I see you have brought the little delinquents who have been terrorizing our company. And this, this must be Harry Potter. Boy, come here." Harry steps forward and thanks to his new found insanity he has forgotten how to control his bladder and has wet his pants in fear. "You are a lot smaller and less brave than I thought you would be Potter. Can't even control your bladder."  
  
"Dear God could you be anymore like your freaking brother?" Ron piped up as he began to examine a fax machine on the desk. Just as Snape's brother started to tell him to stop messing around it began to receive a message. Shocked Ron jumped back running into Harry who fell into the brothers who landed on Cho.  
  
From the bottom of the pile Cho yelled, "What in the bloody hell did you all have for breakfast you fat people??"  
  
As they all scrambled to get up Harry offered an answer. "Well, I started off with some bacon then moved on to some toast and orange juice. I finished up with a bagel and butter." Snape's brother was on his feet and knocked Harry over the head sending in sprawling into Ron and they fell back on top of Cho who had just got to her feet.  
  
"Dear Severon, don't be so hasty. They can make fools of themselves with out your help." Snape smirked as he watched the students get back to their feet. They straightened out their robes and began to spread far away from everyone. They were not risking another domino effect.  
  
"Come on then. They should be finished torturing the men from Time Warner, we are trying to make a partnership with them but they just keep refusing." Severon tutted as he grabbed the arms of Ron and Harry slinging them into each other. Severus laughed, actually laughed mind you, like a giddy like 5 year old that just got kissed on the cheek by their best friend's big brother who is a sex god. In fact, they both laughed, actually laughed mind you, like giddy 5 year olds that just got kissed on the cheek by their best friend's twin older brother who are sex gods, as they drug their victims away to the 'torture chamber.'  
  
** The suspense, I love it!! I want more reviews then I will write another chapter and not take so long. 


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